r/WhitePeopleTwitter 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote 1 Take My Energy 1 Justice Served 1

What will Trump's prison nickname be?

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23.6k Upvotes

4.7k

u/Responsible_Author_7 8d ago Gold All-Seeing Upvote hehehehe Snek Table Slap

The Fanta Menace

498

u/Meltrox0 8d ago

Always two, there are. Grape flavor, we must be vigilant for… Dark times, are these…

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u/Baonguyen93 7d ago

I hope I don't misunderstand you but Rudy Giuliani can be Trump's Grape flavor as we can see, he already sweats grape juice lmao.

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u/iownuall3 7d ago

More like grope flavor

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u/IsThereCheese 8d ago Gold hehehehe Bravo! Bravo Grande! I'll Drink to That To The Stars Spit-take

Creamsicle

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u/anonymousonreddit19 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Wholesome Seal of Approval Spit-take

Orange is the new orange.

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u/DiscoStu2U 8d ago

:3147:

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u/Retard1776 7d ago

Oompa

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u/SomebodyUnown 7d ago edited 7d ago

oompa droomfa

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u/WM-010 7d ago

This shit's more real than Kraft Mayo!

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u/Cardioman 7d ago

Orange is the new blacked

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u/omgitsr0b 7d ago

OMG this is a gem.

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u/Brexsh1t 7d ago

Most underrated comment 😂

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u/AndySipherBull 7d ago

Orange Julius Caesar

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u/Raunchiness121 8d ago Silver

Peaches

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u/pass-me-that-hoe 7d ago

Hey Shriveled Peaches.. pick that soap up

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u/Superfluffyfish 7d ago

Simple yet elegant in it’s use, easy to remember…

I love it

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u/AdRemote9464 7d ago

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u/NK_2024 7d ago

This peach got me actin unwise....

What? It's my favorite fruit, and I'm trying to cut down on sugars. What were you thinking you pervs?

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u/Spazzy_maker 7d ago

Take this upvote. I am poor.

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u/StonkyBrewster 8d ago

I think he’s going to turn bright white if there aren’t any tanning beds in prison…

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u/TraditionalMood277 8d ago

"spray tan guns

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u/WhizmoAlke 8d ago

I genuinely get upset that I give myself a better spray tan in my garage than a billionaire gets. Gonna be interesting when the tan fades after a week. A good spray would fade naturally after about 10 days but that's not a good spray 🤣

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u/FittedSheets88 7d ago edited 7d ago

When the spray tan fades and he becomes ghostly white, that's when his followers and the Q crowd will start claiming that he isn't the REAL Donald, just a paid actor. Guarantee.

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u/jboyzo 8d ago

He’ll be smuggling in self tanning lotion 🧴

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

He has plenty of room in that diaper he wears.

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u/Fit-Rest-973 8d ago

What about his hair?

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u/ComputerStrong9244 8d ago

"Hair", as in singular. He takes his one, 900ft long hair and weaves it lovingly like a wicker basket every morning.

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u/Agile_District_8794 7d ago Gold

I always imagined more of a cotton candy machine type maneuver under one of them old school curler chairs at the salon.

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u/Getmeasippycup 7d ago

As a hairdresser, this is the best dis on his hair I’ve ever read! I nearly spat out my coffee! If I had an award to give I’d give you one! 🥇

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u/jacobin17 7d ago

The weasel that he coerced to live on his head didn't do anything wrong so he'll have to find a new home somewhere else.

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u/Spirited-Lime96 7d ago

Can’t wait for his first prison haircut! I kinda hope they misunderstand him and give him a buzz cut or a flat top cut because he will end up looking like a used q-tip head.

He will be white as a sheet probably after 2 weeks and I predict he will be caught paying someone on kitchen detail to snuggle him some aluminum foil and be found in the Rec Yard with Crisco or lard smeared on his face and neck desperately trying to achieve a suntan since commissary doesn’t sell military grade self tanner.

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u/Rob_153 8d ago

Goddamnit. Never reading comments while swishing mouthwash again..

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u/Ishidan01 8d ago

But your nose has never been cleaner

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u/Intelligent-Fuel-641 8d ago

Minty fresh nares!

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u/ShinyBloke 8d ago

so funny yet it burns so much!

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u/nature_remains 7d ago

And the mirror needed a good splash of germs and anti-germ solution to tie the room together.

It’s actually the latest trend in high-end bathroom decor right now. Even Kim Kardashian has employed this aesthetic as the colorful focal point in her new home’s master bathroom. It’s quaint because poor people make it (although in her case, the work was commissioned from a highly sought after spit artist gargling the finest, most unethically sourced crushed blood-diamond serum).

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u/DickInABox4You 8d ago

Orange Julious

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u/MsAnnabel 7d ago Giggle

Orange Jailius

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u/Magical_Savior 7d ago

If he was an Orange Julius, why are we past the Ides of March.

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u/OMGagravyboat 8d ago

I said same thing a few minutes after so deleted. Orange all over and soon to be filled with a creamy center.

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u/soapinthepeehole 8d ago

He’s going to look naked in an orange jump suit.

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u/suckercuck 8d ago

Like an orange Teletubby

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u/QuintupleTheFun 7d ago

Oh my....he looks exactly like his mother in this pic 🤮

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u/SeaOkra 7d ago

Man, it was such a trip the first time I saw a pic of Mary Trump. I had to go google more before I was fully convinced it wasn’t just Trump photo shopped into drag. That is a STRONG family resemblance.

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u/Intelligent-Fuel-641 8d ago

Oh, god, I forgot about that photo where his foundation line was so obvious, and so orange. What a damn clown.

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u/MandalorianManners 8d ago

Like khaki leggings on white girls with a light tan!

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u/Crunchy__Frog 8d ago

Like an Oompa Loompa Navy SEAL.

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u/Important_Farmer924 8d ago

Melts in your mouth.

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u/Inner_Doctor5987 8d ago

That's ok, I didn't need to eat anyways. I definitely wasn't hungry before reading that. No sir, not me.

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u/ptcashier 8d ago

You realize that they have to remove all that makeup and his toupee for a mugshot. I imagine he’ll be known as “Grand Master” to the white supremacists.

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u/FunnyVariation2995 8d ago

OMG! I'd love to see his mugshot w/out the rug!

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u/carigobart648 8d ago

He had an old fashioned scalp surgery… if it were a rug it would look better (especially when you’re rich)

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u/DevCatOTA 8d ago edited 8d ago

It's a weave. The guy who did it originally and does all of the maintenance has/had an office just a couple of floors below trump's office in his tower. At one point, trump became his only client.

https://www.gawker.com/is-donald-trump-s-hair-a-60-000-weave-a-gawker-invest-1777581357

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u/DasSassyPantzen 7d ago

I cannot believe that I now know more about trump’s hair than my own. 😐

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u/crazyparrotguy 8d ago

Wait so a hair transplant? Don't those generally look less...bad? Also I thought that was the expensive option. 🤔

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u/Fish_Slapping_Dance 8d ago

This is the story that Ivana Trump told in a book:

Trump got advise to have surgery on his scalp for hair plugs by Ivana, his ex. He got it done, but it looks awful, and Trump claimed that it was painful. He was so angry about the botched job that he ripped out a chunk of her hair and then violently raped her, according to her deposition in 1990. She has told this story. The violent rape ended their marriage. Trump is an abuser.

Ivana has since recanted her story, presumably to get a better settlement in the divorce. She got 14 million for her recanting of the story.

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u/gyarrrrr 7d ago

And then she fell down some stairs and he buried her under a golf course. Pretty standard stuff really.

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u/maureen__ponderosa 7d ago

She was cremated.

big ol casket just to hold an urn. Big ol heavy casket.

almost makes ya wonder, what ever happened to all those missing classified documents that were never recovered.

There’s a body under them fairways, i reckon. A body of evidence

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u/sgtpepper220 7d ago

Next time on Arrested Development

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u/TheUselessLibrary 7d ago

Everyone: "I've made a huge mistake."

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u/sgtpepper220 7d ago

Going off topic but...

Trump: I love all my children equally

Trump (earlier): I don't care for Eric...

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u/JoeyJoeJoeSenior 8d ago

No. Before transplant technology they simply cut off the bald part and stretched the hairy parts together. No I am not kidding.

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u/OkCaregiver517 7d ago

Do that in the right direction and you get a face lift too.

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u/lapsedPacifist5 7d ago

Do it enough and you'll get a weird looking goatee beard even if you're a woman.

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u/Fit-Rest-973 8d ago

Who knows how long ago he got it done?

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u/Catsandcamping 8d ago

He got it done when he was still married to Ivana. It didn't turn out as well as he would have liked, so he physically attacked her, very violently. You can Google it, but if you do, be warned that it contains her account of the SA and other physical violence.

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u/DragonflyScared813 8d ago

To paraphrase Bill Burr regarding hair transplants: he probably got a transplant when they were stapling ant legs to your head.

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u/Flashy-Ad7640 8d ago

Had to be 100 years. Or the 18th Century. 😂

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u/TangerineTassel 8d ago

he does a long hair and hair sprays illusion-like crappy combover. That's why when the wind blows it lifts it up and you see a bald bitch underneath

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u/CumulativeHazard 8d ago

I actually don’t want to see him without the wig and makeup bc it sounds super gross, but I know the fact that people are seeing him like that will make him furious, so I’m willing to put my eyeballs through that torture for the greater good.

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u/PETNman 8d ago

Lookin like a McDonald Golem ass motherfucker

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u/Robinhood4real 8d ago

It's going to be shocking for sure. Like Dan Akroid's character in Nothing but Trouble.

Pale. Weak. Fake. The republican party in a nutshell.

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u/ColeBane 8d ago

you realize this is why he wants his maga to riot...that is the true reason.

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u/Flashy-Ad7640 8d ago

🤣🤣🤣

Good thing he’s as ugly as Palpatine.

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u/Tungstenkrill 8d ago

He's going to blend in with the orange jump suits.

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u/ptcashier 8d ago

Like camouflage! I wonder how much he’ll have to pay a guy to smuggle bronzer rectally to keep up appearances?

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u/IAmAnObvioustrollAMA 8d ago

From the looks of things he's been using butthole bronzer for ages...

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u/LadyOfTheLakeMi 8d ago

Diaper Don.

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u/Important_Farmer924 8d ago

"That prag who waddles like an angry penguin".

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 8d ago

The waddles on Trump’s turkey neck which is characteristic of a stuffed turkey. I do,however, understand the confusion with an angry penguin.

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u/larry-the-dream 8d ago

I’m a diaper dan man!

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u/justintheunsunggod 8d ago

Hey, that movie is golden, don't besmirch it with such a negative association.

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u/CoralSpringsDHead 8d ago

Will they let him wear his diapers in prison?

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u/Fit-Rest-973 8d ago

They will make him wear his diapers.

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u/Fair_Acanthisitta_75 8d ago Bravo Grande!

Depends

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u/williamsmichaelc 7d ago

Let’s show some Poise here!

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u/absurdsir 7d ago

Always

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u/fuckssakereddit 8d ago

Depends..🤷🏻

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u/halifax8908 8d ago

Depends

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u/mgyro 8d ago Take My Energy

Diaper Don, what’s that colour you have on Could it be the same shade as your tan spray And did I hear you say The rednecks would your diapered ass save While you flailed waiting for Vlad To bring it all down

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u/1015main 8d ago

Orange in orange.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 8d ago

Is this Trump’s Presidential portrait?
I hate to admit that I like it.

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u/SuccessfulProof4003 8d ago

Ooh, diaper don. That needs to stick

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u/gogor 8d ago Gold

Bitch.

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u/High_Speed_Chase 7d ago

From experience, this term carries significant weight while incarcerated. If you’re gonna call someone a bitch, you better be ready to throw down & swing like your life depended on it.

Also, if you’re called a bitch with defending yourself, the ridicule will either continue until you snap & try (to fight) or snap & cry. Either way, it’s a nightmare.

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u/gogor 7d ago

Pretty sure I would call him a bitch in or out of jail.

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u/TITANIUMTRUCKNUTS 8d ago Lawyer Up

The Art of the Kneel

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u/Sttocs 8d ago

Underrated.

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u/Mr_Notacop 8d ago

Gonna make a decent TIME cover.

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u/PoorPauly 8d ago

I’m willing to bet he’d flee to Russia before actually going to jail. Flee, trade state secrets, suck Putin’s tiny tiny balls. What ever it took to stay out of prison yet again.

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u/redfox2008 8d ago edited 7d ago

nah. secret service has to have him hemmed up. instead of being there to protect him, they are there to protect us. He isn't going anywhere with US secrets.

what a nightmare that would be...him in Russia running his mouth about any and everything.

Edit to add. It would be even worse if he was just making shit up and lying which we know he does constantly.

IMHO it is not about whether he paid attention to or was even given our intel but that he is willing to say anything to serve himself, Putin and anyone that furthers his agenda. The useful puppet until he’s not…

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u/HippySheepherder1979 7d ago

Fairly sure he already sold everything he remembered/stole/made up.

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u/dwimber 7d ago

Fortunately he never paid attention to anything briefings, so he probably doesn't know 1% of what a normal person would have retained from 4 years in office.

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u/valvilis 7d ago

I'm sure the joint chiefs and the agency heads made sure to tell him as little as possible while he was in office. He has always been an OPSEC liability, even before he was looking to flee.

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u/TheMikeGolf 7d ago

It was even easier than that… he didn’t even want briefings at all. And on the rare occasion that he did, they’d send a marine in to explain things in crayon. The secret service would have their work cut out for them making sure neither TFG or the marine ate the crayon.

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u/Maeberry2007 7d ago

You forget the secret service likely has plenty of people on his "side." Pence wouldn't get in the car with them, Biden is extra vigilant about what he says with them in the room.

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u/BonghitsForBeavis 7d ago

and Biden's otherwise well behaved dog snapped at or bit one in the first year IIRC.

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u/EllieLuvsLollipops 7d ago

Major is a good boy

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

And when Putin was done with him, Trump would fall out of a window.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/gbsurfer 8d ago

Shitler

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u/Random_Name987dSf7s 8d ago

Points for conjuring something worse than Hitler.

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u/SenchaBaby 8d ago

Inmate #754484

Make it sting. Make him as anonymous as possible.

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u/Pockets713 8d ago

I was going to say Inmate #45 but I like this better!

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u/One-Yam2819 8d ago

Orange Tang from MAGA gang

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u/Monsur_Ausuhnom 8d ago

Shut the f*ck up Donnie!

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u/Shopping-Afraid 8d ago

You're out of your element Donnie!

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u/MacSanchez 8d ago

No no he’ll be right where he’s supposed to be

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u/Shopping-Afraid 8d ago

Yes, he belongs there. But he will certainly be waaaay out of his element. Just imagine uber rich Trump with no sense of what real society is like (let alone prison) in prison.

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u/Polls-from-a-Cadet 8d ago

Remember…. No bronzer or hair stylist for him. He’s gonna look like woody Harrelson in kingpin lol

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u/Triviajunkie95 8d ago

If he isn’t immediately released until trial.

I expect the circus of the arrest to happen, then he’ll be under house arrest or something similar until trial. There’s no way he stays there.

I hope he does, but I doubt it.

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u/Petroldactyl34 7d ago Eureka!

Single cell his ass and cut him off from the outside world. Isolation cuts off the water for a narcissist. No one to manipulate. No one to lord it over. No outlet. No stage. No bail. Only trial time. Even at that, the dumb motherfucker is gonna rack up calendars worth of contempt charges. He will wither before our eyes. He deserves to break like no one else. He's been a scourge for far too long. We all deserve to see him break.

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u/jesterbaze87 7d ago

It wouldn’t take long before he would start to sound like Charles Manson at the end of his career if you isolated him. He would wither quickly with no attention.

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u/rcmp_informant 8d ago

How fuckin cool would it be if he posed enough of a danger (because of his followers behaviour) to be denied bail. And then get this… sent to rikers. Is that shit still open? Send him there.

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u/L_H_O_O_Q_ 7d ago

The man has a private plane, money, and ties to Russia. I would say that makes him a flight risk. No bail.

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u/nyclovesme 7d ago

I’d like to quote an older rap song “You might be chillin’ You might be stylin’ But you won’t be smilin’ On Rikers island”

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u/nfa1234 8d ago

The dictaker

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u/solitary_tentacle 8d ago

The dicktaster

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u/bit_hodler 8d ago

Agent Orange.

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u/Tashum 8d ago

Did you know that vets who were around that were much more likely to have children with cancers like leukemia? Fucked up. Not a bad nick name tho. )

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u/GrimKiba- 8d ago

Probably MAGA. Make Anal Great Again.

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u/Primary-Age4101 8d ago

Donny No Nuts

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u/geaseonthelease 8d ago

orange is the new black

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u/Myopinion_is_right 8d ago

Orange is the new bitch.

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u/carryoutsalt 8d ago

Orange dubious

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u/NoAssumption6865 8d ago

Stormy's Sloppy Seconds

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u/godrainlovemusic 8d ago

Baby Shart (doo doo da-doo-da-doo)

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u/Spckoziwa 8d ago

Lil Turkeyneck

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u/Infidel_sg 8d ago

All jokes aside, This cocksucker will never see the inside of an actual prison! If he were to actually go, It'll definitely be one of those prisons reserved for white collar criminals, Club fed! Those guys don't do the same time as blue collar criminals!

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u/SJFJSBFKX 8d ago

Donnie Butt Stuff.

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u/omnamahshiva 8d ago

Used to be the Don Juan, now your name is just 'toine.

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u/Technical_Access_943 8d ago

The Apprentice

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u/zzzzrobbzzzz 8d ago

the assprentice?

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u/PurgatoryMountain 8d ago

Donny Deepthroat

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u/SordoCrabs 8d ago

Cheeto Bitch

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u/CircusPeanutsYumm 8d ago

Mushroom Dick.

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u/MenudoFan316 7d ago

Jon Stewart already gave him his nickname, "Fuckface Von Clownstick"

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u/Embarrassed-Noise-12 8d ago

Guys, these are great names! I'm dying from laughter. Champagne for everyone when he gets arrested. 🍾🥂

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u/CumulativeHazard 8d ago

I’m gonna pull out the good crystal. It’s a special fucking occasion.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

Covfefe

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u/Glittering_Sundae_53 8d ago

Cotton Candy Clementine.

The cotton candy is for the hair. As for the clementine, well, his skin is the color of an orange and he’s shaped like one too.

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u/MaleficentPi 8d ago

"The Least Cigarettes"

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u/wild___sun___mama 8d ago

Ugh, he’s so repulsive.

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u/bubba7557 8d ago

King mushroom

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u/WILLY_ROAD 8d ago

MAGAlicious

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u/nzstrawman 8d ago

crybaby

just imagine being his cell buddy, and all fucking day and night he's a whinging crybaby....oh hang on, it's what the world has had to put up with since 2020, we don't have to imagine that

hey cell mate, “He got a real purty mouth ain’t he”

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u/Strong-Dot-9221 8d ago

Sphincter boy.

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u/EllzGoesPro 8d ago

Fudge pop

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u/5spd4wd 8d ago

Going by that photo, "Greasy".

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u/ScoredCretaceous 8d ago

Inmate #151275

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u/Gjgsx 8d ago

Orange twat

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u/Talknerdeetome 8d ago

Bubbas Cumdumpster

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u/cantelopeimmarried 8d ago

Butternut Bitch