r/clevercomebacks • u/TallAmericano • Mar 26 '23
I really hope he sees this Magnum Dong
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u/TooAfraidToAsk814 Mar 27 '23
My favorite quote about the donald:
“Who are you gonna believe some blonde with big tits who wears lots of makeup or Stormy Daniels.”
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u/_lippykid Mar 27 '23
Bill Maher, right?
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u/Rahmulous Mar 27 '23
Current conservative hero Bill Maher?
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u/mylifeforthehorde Mar 27 '23
What a strange path he’s taken lol
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u/DmMEyourPanties1 Mar 27 '23
When people start becoming irrelevant they pander to the easily persuadable
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u/StrategicCarry Mar 27 '23
He’s pretty much the same as he’s always been. He’s a rich guy who doesn’t want to pay taxes, doesn’t really want to be told what to do (including which 3 letter word to use to refer to someone) and has always had a couple “out there” opinions including being quietly antivax for a long time and firmly in the camp that “adult man having sex with underage girl bad, adult woman having sex with underage boy fine”.
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u/AstonVanilla Mar 27 '23 edited Mar 27 '23
I love Bill Maher, but my word he's gone off the deep end lately.
Every episode has just turned into the inevitable attack on young people, trans people or education.
I think he's trying to play to both sides of the aisle, but he's not smart enough to do that well.
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u/Time-Werewolf-1776 Mar 27 '23
He hasn’t gone off the deep end lately, he’s always been like that. Several years ago, instead of complaining about trans people, he complained about Muslims. He’s eager to present himself as being an enlightened centrist, and has been the kind of guy who would say, “I don’t want to sound racist, but…”
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u/drainbead78 Mar 27 '23
And several years before that, he got his show Politically Incorrect booted for saying the 9/11 terrorists weren't cowards--they were actually brave for giving up their lives for what they believed in, and that one's belief about the cause itself being good or bad was irrelevant to whether or not their acts took courage. That didn't go over well.
He's gone down the Joe Rogan path, and I can't tell how much is grifting and how much is the fact that just like Rogan, he's too dumb and arrogant to know what he doesn't know and can't see through specious arguments.
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u/GreenDogTag Mar 27 '23
His statement about courage is so stupidly and pointlessly correct. Like yes it probably did take a lot of courage when you stop and think about it but wtf is his point. His point is just that he's enlightened and thinks about it differently than the rest of us morons.
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u/drainbead78 Mar 28 '23
Your first sentence encapsulates that whole situation perfectly. Back then he was playing Devil's Advocate for the left, now he's that enlightened centrist that everyone knows is really just a right winger who wants to appear like he's above the fray. But what hasn't changed is the fact that he thinks he's the smartest person in the room and wants everyone else to think so too.
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u/petskill Mar 27 '23 edited Mar 27 '23
I love Bill Maher, but my word he's gone off the deep end lately.
I think especially the "young people suck" portion is annoying (and a bit played out ever since Socrates used that bit), but I don't think his attitudes are surprising. Maher is a liberal in the very literal meaning of the word and there is an increasing rift between the American left wing and liberals.
The American left isn't going that way without a reason. The financial crisis and increasing income inequality are good arguments for reigning in capitalism and in many cases being liberal and tolerant is detrimental to the ability to protect people. Accepting things like high-school football or romantic relationships with extreme power gaps means allowing people to make decisions that hurt them. Liberalism is at its core about allowing individuals to make free decisions, hence it's obvious that people who are still very liberal see the lefts newer ideas of protecting people from themselves critically.
Edit: better wording
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u/S_Klallam Mar 27 '23
bill Meyer is just going mask off lately. he's always had really stinky takes. he rode the anti Trump wave because it's so fucking easy. in this way Trump is a useful idiot for neoliberals like Meyer
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u/AstonVanilla Mar 27 '23
I don't think that's true, Bill has put large amounts of his own money towards left wing causes.
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u/shortordercook Mar 27 '23
Fake blonde
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u/Billy_Gripppo Mar 27 '23 edited Mar 27 '23
That's definitely true, his hair is definitely dyed, completely fake in every way
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u/Saavikkitty Mar 27 '23
What about him isn’t fake?
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u/Local_Sugar8108 Mar 27 '23
That was both savage and wonderful. She also said his hair flopped around like a drunken cockatoo and that sex was done in a very forgettable 2 minutes. It's imagery that will require brain bleach to exorcise it from my memory.
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u/Sad_Package9774 Mar 27 '23
You think that’s why he suggested people inject themselves with bleach during Covid? Makes sense now…prescient and a stable genius.
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u/Amelaclya1 Mar 27 '23
I will never forgive her for ruining Mario kart for me. I always liked to play as Toad 😭
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u/SoftBellyButton Mar 27 '23
I was always proud of being a freak with large feet and small hands, he ruined that for me:(
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u/Darkmoonlily78 Mar 27 '23
There's isn't enough money or alcohol that would ever get me to sleep with that thing.
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u/averyfinename Mar 27 '23
67 seconds of that was his tiny hands struggling to find and unfasten his belt, a further 32 seconds to dig the shroom out from its hidey place among the rolls of flab.
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u/Tyrxgow Mar 27 '23
See ..now I think she's lying.
Absolutely no way you'd ever forget that...for every single wrong reason, but I'm quite sure it would be a terrible memory you drink at night to forget for the rest of your life.
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u/-ElDictator- Mar 26 '23
Orange baby carrot
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u/EveryXtakeYouCanMake Mar 27 '23
You think he spray tans it?? I wouldn't put it past him.
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u/flybyknight665 Mar 27 '23
Imagine being the employee responsible for that...
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u/debzmonkey Mar 27 '23
Uses something akin to a glory hole while it's being sprayed.
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u/lesChaps Mar 27 '23
I have for years read that he handles his hair and makeup.
However likely or unlikely that is ... It's hilarious.
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u/flargenhargen Mar 27 '23
impossible.
he's morbidly obese with a microdick... there's no way he's not sporting an "innie" in that FUPA of his.
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u/debzmonkey Mar 27 '23
He was disgusting before he got fat, that video clip with him dancing next to Epstein, licking his anus mouth while pumping his tiny fists... every woman has had the unfortunate experience of being hit on by that brand of hole.
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u/Dbonker Mar 27 '23
There are pics of his hairline and you can clearly see his regular skin color compared to his cheap orange spray on tan line.
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u/PrettiKinx Mar 27 '23
Trump did slept with her though. He admitted it🤣🤣🤣 These people are stupid
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u/Much-Peanut1333 Mar 27 '23
That's what I don't understand. 😂 Are people actually trying to say he didn't?????!
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u/red_knight11 Mar 27 '23
He admitted he did in court which is the case she had to pay for his legal fees when he won the case against her. If he lied in court, she would have won.
How is this so hard for people to comprehend? It was blasted over every avenue of the internet 5(?) years ago. Perhaps social media has destroyed the memories of the masses due the need for quick dopamine injections
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u/Roanoke42 Mar 27 '23
Fox News didn't say it happened, therefore it didn't happen... Or at least I think that's how their brains work.
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u/ThreeLeggedParrot Mar 27 '23
Last I heard was that they don't believe Fox News anymore either. There's too many fact for them. (Purposeful singular 'fact')
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u/Roanoke42 Mar 27 '23
Most either stick with it, or leave and return to Fox News periodically. People swore they would quit Fox News when they called Virginia for Biden at 8% reporting in 2020 but they sure as hell kept watching. If they were serious maybe they would've started watching some other news source (like NBC, which was the only channel that refrained from calling states until it was mathematically won) but that would require them watching reporters say something other than exactly what they want to hear. The extent of Fox News fact was the week they spent saying "ah geez, that whole fiasco at the Capitol sure was bad" before they eventually took a complete 180 and showed that they were just doing damage control to "disassociate" from their viewer base, as did a number of alt-right "news" sources.
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u/Agitated-Airline6760 Mar 27 '23
You know there are like 5% of Americans who say the earth is flat and further additional ~30% are "not sure if it's flat or round" despite all the evidence, pictures/videos from space etc. You can tell them until you are blue in the face about the earth or Trump, they are not gonna change it.
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u/Trick-Tell6761 Mar 27 '23
Maybe we should start paying teachers better and Americans would be less dumb because they got a proper education.
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u/ThrowawayBlast Mar 27 '23
Problem is, American Republicans know full well better schools mean smarter Americans and, this is the most important part to them, MORE Democrats.
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u/chaos0510 Mar 27 '23 edited Mar 28 '23
Red states are the lowest education states in the country. They intentionally want to keep their constituents stupid
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u/fuglysack14 Mar 27 '23
The flat-earthers are always a bit confounding to me. But considering that all of humanity once held that very belief, I can kinda give them a pass. However, the group that makes me believe we are absolutely doomed as an intelligent society... the group that made me lose hope in our advancement as a civilization...is the "birds are not real" conspiracy theorists. Those people vote and drive on our congested roadways. They picket in town squares over the very existence of birds, while birds are literally flying right overhead.
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Mar 27 '23
But birds are not real? Shot down 4 of them this morning. All were made of metal
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u/Steaknpotato Mar 27 '23
It is a satirical movement, and even if it weren't how can we be sure they are real those idiots fly. I can't fly, so obviously nothing else should be able to it ain't natural /s
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u/Zmobie1 Mar 27 '23
Bird-truthers have more PhDs than any other conspiracy theory adjacent society. That’s just hard numbers. Also plenty of actual race car drivers in the movement, so congestion on the roads is just a symptom of the real problem: the bird-industrial complex infiltrating the government.
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u/deepstate_chopra Mar 27 '23
I wonder what the connection is between those who believe space is actually a firmament, and those who believe Trump is an imperfect vessel from god...
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u/BeTheChange4Me Mar 27 '23
5% may not seem like a lot, but when you apply the math to roughly 330 million Americans, that’s a LOT of people who think the earth is flat! That 30% aren’t sure is even more staggering.
I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. I once had my telescope out in the driveway and several neighbors dropped by to check it out. One of the men said, “Now remind me again, does the sun go around the earth or the other way around? It’s the sun around the earth, right, because the sun rises over the earth? I can never remember!” He happened to be a conservative police officer… 🤔
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Mar 27 '23
It's simpler than that. Conservatives substitute their own understanding of the situation regardless of what the evidence actually shows. They still unironically believe the Mueller report exonerated Trump despite it outlining his attempts to obstruct justice.
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u/Delicious-Item6376 Mar 27 '23
He only admitted to it to appease the mainstream media and the liberal democrats. He never actually slept with stormy, but taking the blame for it is all part of his grand plan to free America.
Or at least that's what these dumbfucks think
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u/BlanquitaNJ1 Mar 27 '23
They just need the idea of their great white hope being “pure.” This has nothing to do with what’s true or not true and everything to do with making themselves feel better.
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u/PaulFThumpkins Mar 27 '23
No he's a good man with good values and clean living and all he needs is a good solid hour of Kenneth Copeland to become a man of God! /s
I mean if they didn't fuck he paid her $130k of hush money to cover up nothing at all.
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u/NeadNathair Mar 27 '23
How do all these people just deny anything went on between Stormy and Donny? I mean, he paid her 130,000 dollars and had her sign a non disclosure form. Those are facts, verifiable and proven.
What exactly do people think those were for? Interior decorating tips Trump wanted to keep secret?
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u/wes205 Mar 27 '23
Those are facts, verifiable and proven.
His supporters’ feelings clearly don’t care about facts
Facts that don’t lineup with his false reality are “fake news”
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u/NeadNathair Mar 27 '23
That's what really blows my mind. Like, I understand having different opinions about policies. But some of his supporters literally believe and act on things that are not only factually untrue, but that actually run counter to facts and truth. You can show them him saying one thing, and they'll insist he meant the total opposite if it's inconvenient for them to believe.
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u/curiosityLynx Mar 27 '23
"... and I want you to put a larger than life painting of Putin on the ceiling above my bed. Also, you should... why are you making that face? Oh wait, uhm, pretend you never heard that. Sign an NDA and I'll pay you triple."
😄
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u/Woodlog82 Mar 27 '23
Golden shower above the bed, connected to the golden toilet; at least he keeps the colour scheme going.
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u/Pete_maravich Mar 27 '23
I'm going to say that no woman has voluntarily had sex with Donald Trump without getting something, or the promise of something, in return.
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u/CoachKillerTrae Mar 26 '23
beautiful.
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u/TheRavenSayeth Mar 27 '23
The terrible part to me in all of this is that it’s such a fine line to walk to criticize him for what happened and not relish in how awful it was.
Trump cheated on his wife with two porn stars. However awful we think Melania is/was, it’s awful to celebrate a woman being cheated on while she’s at home with a four month old. My wife gave birth recently and even up till that first year there’s such a bonding experience that happens within your family. This baby is and represents so much, but in the middle of all of that emotion she had this done to her. Also to add insult to injury, while Trump’s relationship with Stormy seems to have been mostly physical the one he had with Karen McDougal was very emotional investing to her. That means Trump was not only cheating physically but emotionally, which doesn’t sound like much but it feels that much more inhuman.
Trump deserves to be called out and shamed for the pig he is, and at the same time I don’t know where the line is where making light of the situation is ok. Personally whenever I think of all of it I just feel terrible for her.
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u/Upbeat-Ad-4919 Mar 27 '23
Lots of things to be upset with trump about. Having an affair is down on the list. Do you really think he “broke the sanctity of their marriage”? It’s a rigged marriage anyways. There is no love there. It’s not real.
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u/interfail Mar 27 '23
It's not clear she was cheated on. I'm guessing she knew full well that this was the arrangement when they got married.
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u/baddfingerz1968 Mar 27 '23
They call him Microsoft.
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u/RoutineSalaryBurner Mar 27 '23
It's so nice that they're on good terms after he paid her for sex, to shut up about paying her for sex, and then publicly defamed her. She's still being generous. True queen.
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u/GetOutTheTapeMeasure Mar 27 '23
Trump is the very definition of tiny dick energy so it makes perfect sense
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u/Fit-Rest-973 Mar 27 '23
With 3 inches and that pendulous belly, how can he find it
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u/fuglysack14 Mar 27 '23
Do you think he drags a wet wipe over his undercarriage after removing his adult diaper and before he subjects his paid sex worker to his stubby wiener? Or does he just throw caution to the wind, and go in with urine soaked flesh?
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u/ShakeTheEyesHands Mar 27 '23
Lol, body shaming is fine when it's a man!
We should definitely keep telling men that having a small dick somehow lessens their value as a human being! This is definitely a normal and kind thing to do to innocent people who have done nothing wrong! Because there's definitely no legitimate reasons to pick on Trump, right? We should definitely keep targeting the one thing that could make millions of decent, innocent men feel like shit about themselves!
Funny how just yesterday someone was trying to tell me that only men make jokes about men having small dicks. Funny how that seems to be 100% not true.
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Mar 27 '23
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u/ShakeTheEyesHands Mar 27 '23
But by all means, let's keep blaming "toxic masculinity" for this mentality the entirety of society seems to have.
Want men to stop basing their value on sexuality and dick size? Then quit mocking men for their dick size.
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u/rowenstraker Mar 27 '23
What's hilarious is that I guarantee every one of these ingrates fapped to her when they found out their lord and savior technically had intercourse with her
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u/Acidflare1 Mar 27 '23
How much was she paid to have sex with him that $150K was the hush money?
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u/BvshbabyMusic Mar 27 '23
How are people still in denial this happened? We can literally see the payments
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u/baddfingerz1968 Mar 27 '23
F'n fascist idiot cult follower doesn't even realize that Spanky already made a virtual admission to paying Stormy the $130K implicitly in a tweet that millions of people have seen.
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Mar 27 '23
That orange sack of shit will touch anyone he can force his orange baby dick inside, he prefers little girls that remind him of his trashy ass daughter BUT he’s an equal opportunity rapist
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u/Testcase13779 Mar 27 '23
That meme of the comedian bird looking nervously at its flashcards, which are all "you have a small penis" or "you don't have sex"
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u/Beautiful-Solid-6048 Mar 27 '23
Isn't this body shaming? Having a 3 inch penis shouldn't be insulting, it's just the way I was born
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u/eharper9 Mar 27 '23
Yup, but deep down, people still think it's a bad thing to have. Which sucks because you can't fix it or increase it. The only option is to find someone who legitimately doesn't care about size. because people will always look negatively on smaller sizes.
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u/Parrot32 Mar 27 '23
Agreed. If we could stop penis size shaming in r/earons (Golden State killer sub), The rest of the world can too.
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u/Fit_Promise1035 Mar 27 '23
I'm not American or a trump supporter.
Why do so many people think it's okay to speak disparagingly about any man for having a small penis but are quick to defend a woman who is being body shamed?
In celebrating trumps "failure" in having a small penis it insinuates that all men with small penises' have failed in some way.
Criticising trumps actions, words or character is reasonable. Those are things a person can (or should) change.
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u/Fonzie1225 Mar 27 '23
This. I despise Trump and hope he disappears from public life forever but this is the lamest, most overused and uncreative “comeback” I’ve ever seen
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u/HogwartsPlayer Mar 27 '23
Socially sanctioned hatred. Some people just froth at the mouth.
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Mar 27 '23
Because body positivity is for women only. Haven’t you ever noticed there’s no fat male models
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u/IllUseTheDamnApp Mar 27 '23
Look around and you'll notice the comments thrown at his wives too. It's hysterical to see these same people clutch pearls over sexism elsewhere.
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u/ragingrandyrivers Mar 27 '23
I remember when she said it looked like toad from Mario Kart. I think that was the hardest I’ve laughed watching a news program
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u/carrott1979 Mar 27 '23
But it was the most awesome thickest and proudest 3inch choad of all time. And definitely better than Obamas. Something about Hillary, I wear diapers. Biden is old, My daughter is America’s lowest class upmarket whore. Huge.
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u/IICoolToolFoolII Mar 27 '23
Jesus the lengths these cultists freaks go to defend their moron micaiah is unsettling, and yet he couldn't give two shits about them
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u/DaytonaDemon Mar 27 '23
Ms. Barnett tweets under the business name of barnettgroup (she's a Florida realtor). I don't get it. Why would you alienate half your potential clients by posting this shit?
Anyway, that was a savagely funny reply from Stormy Daniels — the best retort to an asshole since Greta Thunberg embarrassed the shit out of Andrew Tate three months ago. Kudos!
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u/Virtual-Weakness-499 Mar 27 '23
(I say this as a cisgender woman) I actually don’t particularly find small penis jokes funny anymore. There’s nothing men can do about that AND that’s always the first thing people resort to lately so it’s gotten old. I’m not saying you can’t say it or find it funny yourself, I’m not mad about it. I just personally think it’s kinda lazy humor and lacks creativity. Why I felt the need to comment this idk.
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u/dadudemon Mar 27 '23
Read that for every 20lbs of fat a man loses, he gains an inch on his dick.
Can confirm that this is pretty much true. Got depressed in a bad relationship and gained 40lbs. Weighed 232lbs.
Broke up and lost all the fat. Got 2 more inches back for my efforts. Didn't know I missed is. Made it easier to do things.
Trump has about 80lbs to 100lbs to lose. It's been decades since he's been fat. He might be packing but he's too fat. Which makes this even funnier to me.
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u/Gloomy_Rain1800 Mar 27 '23
Why is body shaming OK when it's a conservative but not ok when it's a liberal?
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u/autoHQ Mar 27 '23 edited Mar 28 '23
Ah yes, let's body shame something that's out of his control that many men feel insecure about.
Small D energy, so funny, amiright? /s /s /s
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u/cwebbvail Mar 27 '23
I think it’s funny she says this but she still fucked him
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u/Btothek84 Mar 27 '23
For money of some type, yes he’s always been a piece of shit, but he’s ramped it up A LOT in the last 10-12 years. Before the internet it would of been much harder for people to know just how much of a piece of shit he was, specially since it is known that he actively oppressed media coverage and put out his own positive press through aliases….
I really wouldn’t try shifting blame to here in anyway, none of this would of been known if he didn’t give her money illegally.
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u/PaulFThumpkins Mar 27 '23
The least savory thing about Stormy Daniels is her fucking that guy lol.
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u/GreatApeGoku Mar 27 '23
I think it's funny you're saying it like it was anything other than a large sum of money that got her into bed. Like many porn stars, she's a prostitute too! She made over 6 figures to let the diaper man wriggle around with his little worm and you're making fun of her? Delusion to the max.
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u/vampiretrunkz Mar 27 '23
Is anyone else hoping that this will compel Trumpers to draw/Photoshop Trump with a massive bulge? They already love to show him as Jesus or being really muscular (sometimes both). I just love the idea of these people constantly thinking about, and drawing, Trump's dick.
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u/Dr_Qrunch Mar 27 '23
The contract for the hush-money wouldn’t allow this tweet, so this must be fake.
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Mar 27 '23
I love them rejecting a fact trump, himself, has admitted on truth social, this year.
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u/Seriszed Mar 27 '23
This is such a weird world we live in. On one hand we have a lying, cheating, creepy, sexual deviant. On the other is the porn star he cheated on his pregnant wife with.
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u/KarmaUK Mar 27 '23
On top of everything, who thinks trump would say no to her?
She's out of his league and he's repeatedly shown he has no morals, so porn star wasn't going to put him off
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u/ItWasAllADream434 Mar 27 '23
TBT as a woman big 🍆 are overrated, would never touch a 10 inch pole. Only weirdos are into that sort of damage
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u/Beetlejuice9651 Mar 27 '23
The irony in body shaming when she had to get fake breasts is hilarious
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u/kimuratrap91 Mar 29 '23
I'm not a Trump fan, or a fan of most politicians in general, but are we for body shaming or are we against it?
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u/sinorc Mar 27 '23
Nothing is more clever than small penis jokes!!!.
From the crowd that's so antibody shaming too
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u/ofQSIcqzhWsjkRhE Mar 27 '23
I hate Trump as much as the next guy, but damn it sucks to see so many people cheering for body shaming. Guess it's OK cause men aren't people
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u/renniechops Mar 27 '23
“Yeti Pubes mushroom” is still the best dig she threw out